Frequently Asked Questions

WHAT ARE THE DAYS AND TIMES FOR WEDDINGS? 

Weddings at St. Kilian’s may be planned for Fridays after 1 pm, Saturdays at 1 or 2:30 pm and Sundays at 3 or 5 pm. 


WHO WILL PRESIDE AT OUR WEDDING? 

The Priest or Deacon who interviews you for your wedding will make every effort to preside on your special day. However, personal commitments and other parish responsibilities may not allow for this. A Priest or Deacon who is a relative or friend is welcome to preside at your wedding – with permission from our pastor.

 
WHAT DOCUMENTS DO WE NEED TO HAVE OUR WEDDING AT ST. KILIAN’S? 

New Baptismal Certificate for Catholic Christians 
 
Catholic Christians must obtain a new, recently dated baptismal certificate, which means a new certificate must be written up within six (6) months of your wedding date. (Original copies of the baptismal certificate are not acceptable.) This may be obtained from the church of your baptism upon request by advising that church of your name, your parents’ names, the date of your birth and the fact of your forthcoming marriage. This updated baptismal certificate testifies to a person's freedom to marry and is required by Church law.
 
Baptismal Certificate and Affidavit of Freedom for Non-Catholic Christians
 
 If one of the parties is a non-Catholic Christian, that person must provide his/her original baptismal certificate. In addition, that person must also obtain an affidavit of freedom to marry, signed by two witnesses (parents/guardians/close friends) attesting that he/she has never contracted any marriage before, that neither party is related to the other, and that there are no impediments to the proposed marriage. This affidavit may be obtained from the interviewing priest or deacon.
 
Marriage License 
 
A marriage license is obtained at any Town Hall. The license does not become effective until twenty-four (24) hours from its issuance, and it is valid for sixty (60) days from the date it becomes effective―your wedding must fall in that sixty-day period.

 
WHAT IF THE BRIDE OR GROOM IS FROM A PARISH OTHER THAN ST. KILIAN  

For your marriage to take place at St. Kilian’s either the bride or groom, or both, must be a parishioner of St. Kilian’s; Catholic marriage is to take place in the home parish of either the bride or the groom.
 
Catholic parties from outside St. Kilian Parish must get a letter of permission from their pastor and should request publication of the Banns in their home parish.
 
WHAT IF ONE OF US IS NON-CATHOLIC?  

In order that a marriage between a Catholic and a non-Catholic party be valid, a dispensation must be obtained from the Bishop of the diocese. Your consulting priest or deacon will obtain this for you and will manage the paperwork with you. The necessary conditions for this dispensation are:
 

• After prayerful and deliberate discussion between the future spouses about the question of raising all children as Catholics, the Catholic party is asked to promise that he/she will make every effort to bring up all children as Catholics.
• The non-Catholic party must understand the seriousness of this promise and must support this commitment of his/her spouse.
• It is very important that couples of different religious traditions spend time discussing all aspects of their different religious backgrounds as part of their marriage preparation. Your consulting priest or deacon can assist you in discussing this important issue.

 

WHAT IF ONE OR BOTH OF US HAVE PREVIOUS MARRIAGES? 

If your previous spouse is deceased, a death certificate must be presented to the consulting priest or deacon.
 
If you were previously married in the Catholic Church in a valid marriage and are now divorced, you must obtain a formal Declaration of Nullity (“annulment”) for that previous marriage, and there may be additional requirements accompanying the annulment. The consulting priest or deacon can give you information about beginning this process.
 
If you were previously married but the marriage was invalid, i.e., not recognized by the Catholic Church, then a Defect of Form must be obtained declaring your freedom to marry. This is handled through your consulting priest or deacon.
 
***PLEASE NOTE: IN THE CASE OF A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE OF ANY KIND, A DATE FOR THE WEDDING MAY NOT BE SET UNTIL THE PROPER DECLARATION OF FREEDOM HAS BEEN RECEIVED.
 
 
WHAT IF THERE ARE SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES RELTED TO OUR WEDDING? 

• If one of the parties is under 19 years of age, the question of marriage must be submitted to the Bishop.
• If one of the parties is under 21 years of age, a sworn affidavit must be submitted by the parents/guardians giving their permission for the marriage.
• If a pre-marital pregnancy is involved, approval must be received from the Bishop before a date can be set.
• If one of the parties has received any form of psychological or professional counseling, approval may be necessary from the Bishop. In each of the above cases, special care and concern is given to couples requesting marriage, not to make things more difficult for the parties, but to help ensure the sacredness and permanence of Christian marriage. For this reason, in many of the above cases, a date for your wedding may not be set until the Bishop’s office has been consulted.

 

WHAT ARE THE MARRIAGE PREPARATION REQUIREMENTS?  

Pre-Cana is an important requirement in your preparation to be married. The name comes from John 2:1–12, when Jesus performed the miracle of changing water into wine at a wedding feast at Cana, Galilee. Jesus performed His first public miracle at the wedding feast, and in doing so sanctified the joyful union of husband and wife.
 
Your consulting priest or deacon will give you information about an approved Pre-Cana Program the two of you can take. It will be up to you to register for the program and to complete it in a timely manner. There will be a fee for the program, paid to the provider, which is separate from parish fees. After completing Pre-Cana, a certificate of completion must be presented to your consulting priest or deacon.
 
You should be prepared to present your Baptismal Certificates, Certificate of Attendance at Pre-Cana, and any other documents that the Priest or Deacon informs you are needed two months prior to your wedding date.
 
Complete the “Together for Life” booklet that you received from your Priest or Deacon or at Pre-Cana, choosing prayers, readings, vows, etc. You may discuss this with your clergyman at your meeting 2 months prior to your wedding date.

 
WHAT READINGS, PRAYERS, MUSIC, ETC. ARE APPROPRIATE FOR OUR WEDDING? 

You should work with your consulting priest or deacon to prepare your wedding liturgy (with Mass or without Mass). There are many options for you to consider, and these options are detailed for you in a separate preparation booklet which will be given to you. This booklet will contain materials for selecting prayers, blessings, the form for your vows, Scripture readings, music, and other options. Since we are obligated to adhere to the Catholic ritual for celebrating matrimony, only the options described in those materials may be used; no secular or other elements may be introduced into the liturgy. This includes the so-called “unity candle,” the “sand ceremony” and other non-liturgical elements. (The appropriate time to include these elements would be at another occasion apart from the church liturgy, for example, at your rehearsal dinner or at your reception.)
 
All music and singing arrangements should be discussed and arranged directly with our parish Director of Music, Mr. Paul Phinney at least two months in advance. Mr. Phinney will contact you to begin these discussions. Be prepared to discuss your preferences for church wedding music: processional, responsorial psalm, offertory song, Communion song, and recessional.
 
All music needs to be appropriate for Catholic worship – Scripture based, prayerful and uplifting. Popular music, with no basis in the Bible, is not permitted.
 
Visiting musicians are permitted, however, our Music Director’s offering is required even in this case.
 

WHAT ARE THE CHURCH AND MUSIC FEES? 

Sacraments are matters of faith; they are neither sold nor bought. None of us can place any financial value on sacraments, for they are gifts from God freely given and freely received. It is also a reality, however, that our parish has many temporal needs; we have to keep the lights on, and our buildings maintained. Our parish has set a fee in accordance with diocesan guidelines. This fee will cover the maintenance costs of our church building and other services associated with a parish wedding such as insurance, sacristan, and custodian salaries, etc.
 
Fees will be discussed as part of the planning for your wedding. Fees are to be paid no later than one (1) month before your wedding date.

 
ARE WEDDING PLANNERS PERMITED IN THE CHURCH? 

If you choose to hire a wedding planner, their services will not be used at the church. All matters concerning the liturgical celebration of your wedding are overseen by church personnel, not by outside planners. While a wedding planner is welcome to be present at the wedding liturgy, he/she will not have any say in matters here in church.
 

WHAT ARE THE POLICIES FOR FLOWERS AND DECORATIONS?  

Flowers and decorations must follow the norms for the liturgical year and respect the integrity of the liturgical seasons. Thus, there are to be no flowers at all during Lent, and no Christmas flowers or decorations during Advent.
 
Couples arrange for their own floral pieces with the florist of their choice. Normally two (2) arrangements are placed in the sanctuary.
 
If bows or flowers are to be placed on pews, use rubber bands or ribbons only―use of wire or tape is not permitted.
 
No flowers or decoration may be placed outside the entrance to the church or on the stairs leading to it.
 
You are welcome to take your flowers with you after your liturgy. Any flowers and decorations left behind will be removed. In some limited cases they may remain as decorations for the church, but in most cases, they will be removed and discarded.
 
For safety reasons, runners are not permitted at weddings at St. Kilian’s.

 
WHAT ARE THE POLICIES ON PHOTOGRAPHY AND VIDEOGRAPHY?
 
The photographer and videographer must consult with the priest or deacon who will be celebrating your wedding at least 20 minutes before the start.
 
Within the church, no photographer or videographer shall approach the altar area closer than the third row in any aisle. This includes the left and right sections of the church. The area behind the altar (Blessed Sacrament chapel) is closed and may not be used for any photo or video activity.
The photographer/videographer is to be as inconspicuous as possible during the mass or ceremony. The bride and groom and the proclamation of their wedding vows, (along with the presider and witnesses), are the center of attention.
 
The photographer/videographer is never permitted to enter the sanctuary of the church or to ascend the altar steps at any time.
 
Once the ceremony has begun there may be no further use of flash or lights.
 
Should the photographer violate these rules at any time, the liturgy will be stopped, and that person will be asked to leave the church.
 
The use of the church for pictures after the mass or ceremony is permitted only with the express permission of the priest or deacon who is officiating.
 
 
WILL WE HAVE A WEDDING REHEARSAL?
 
You must call the rectory to schedule your wedding rehearsal appointment. You may do so as early in the process as you wish. Your consulting priest or deacon can give your further information about setting up the wedding rehearsal.
 
Please advise your wedding party to be on time, since there might be other rehearsals that evening, and as a courtesy to the parishioners who conduct rehearsals as an offering of their time and service to the parish. If you have not already given the marriage license to your officiating priest or deacon, you absolutely must bring it to the rehearsal (please be sure to bring the preaddressed return envelope which is provided with the license). If you have not already paid your church and music fees, you absolutely must bring them to the rehearsal. Also bring your choice of wedding texts prepared through the ‘Together for Life’ Wedding booklet.
 

SPECIAL QUESTIONS  

Please feel free to discuss any concerns or questions you may have that have not been covered in these guidelines. Your consulting priest or deacon will be happy to assist you.
 
  
PUNCTUALITY 
 
Your wedding MUST begin ON TIME!!! It is rude to keep all those involved with your wedding waiting. The ushers, best man and groom are to arrive at the church no later than one-half hour (30 minutes) before the scheduled start time. The bride and bridesmaids are to arrive no later than ten (10) minutes before the scheduled start time. The scheduled start time is the time for the procession to begin, not for the bride to arrive.
 
If you are late for your wedding, it will be necessary to shorten or exclude certain parts of your liturgy, at the discretion of the priest or deacon who is officiating. This is particularly true if there is another function in the church scheduled after yours, or if the priest or deacon has another commitment. If you are planning a Mass and are late, the Mass may be omitted, and the liturgy may take place without Mass.
 
TO AVOID HEARTACHES AND DISAPPOINTMENTS: PLEASE BE ON TIME!!! 

 
ALCOHOL AND OTHER SUBSTANCES 
 
There is to be absolutely NO drinking of alcohol before or during your wedding. Absolutely no one should have liquor on his or her breath, nor in any way be under the influence of alcohol or other substances. The use of any illegal, non-prescription substances is absolutely prohibited. Any disregard for this can result in the cancellation of the wedding or the removal of the offender from the premises and participation in the wedding.
 

AFTER THE WEDDING―PLEASE DO NOT THROW ANYTHING! 
 
It is not permitted to throw anything after the wedding, e.g., rice, birdseed, confetti, etc. Aside from the fact that doing so creates a mess, detracts from the beauty and dignity of the church entrance, and creates a safety hazard to those walking into the church after the wedding, there is also the real issue that, in the case of throwing rice, it is an inappropriate and insensitive gesture to waste food, in view of the number of people in the world who do not have enough food to sustain their lives.
 
The blowing of bubbles has become a popular custom and is permitted as an appropriate gesture. The waving of streamers, which has also become popular, is permitted if no debris is left on church property.
 
 
PARTICIPATION IN WEEKLY MASS 
 
Participation in Mass, and receiving Holy Communion, every Sunday, and Holy Day of Obligation, except in cases of illness or other serious cause, is a moral obligation binding on all Catholics. We encourage the two of you to participate in Mass together as a way of deepening your oneness in Christ. If it has been a long time since you have been to Mass, we extend a warm welcome for you to return, with no judgment or criticism. If you have been away from Mass, the Church asks that you celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation (“go to Confession”) before receiving Holy Communion again.
 
Please feel free to discuss this issue with your consulting priest or deacon without any fear or embarrassment. We simply want to welcome you back to participation in weekly Sunday Mass.
 
 
SACRAMENT OF RECONCILIATION (“GOING TO CONFESSION”) 
 
Catholics are encouraged to celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation before the day of the wedding. Confession should be attended to before the wedding day and not at the wedding rehearsal since a priest may not be present for the rehearsal. Consult the parish bulletin or parish website for the times of Confession; Confession is also available at any time by prior appointment with one of the priests.